The question of identity is a deeply religious question. We confuse the answer to this question with our false or ego self. By breathing in God we can discover who we really are – an essential Lenten discipline.
Who am I? This is likely one of the most profound religious questions we can ask. The other is, Who is God? These two questions are linked. They are two sides of the same coin. It is said that St. Francis of Assisi prayed through a whole night these two questions: "Who are you, O God? And, who am I?" Francis found the resolution to these questions, as we must this Lent, in Jesus. Jesus is the one who shows us who we really are and who God really is. He is the revelation of true humanity and true divinity. Spiritual writers today call this real identity of ours the true self. They also say we spend most of our lives in an unreal identity, which is the false self. This will be our theme for Lent, an exploration of the true self and the false self so we can realize our true identity in God.
We begin with today's Gospel reading: Jesus being tempted in the desert. This scripture scene clues us in to the false self. The devil tempts Jesus to turn stones into bread; to jump off the temple; and, to rule over all the nations on earth. Jesus, of course, rejects each temptation. He rejects finding his identity in security needs (the bread temptation), in affection needs (the jumping off the temple temptation), or control needs (power over all the nations). Fr. Thomas Keating refers to these "needs" as the emotional programs for happiness. He says these programs are what the false self is. Anytime we experience a negative emotion because we aren't feeling secure, or being liked, or in control, we are experiencing the false self.
In addition to the emotional programs for happiness, the false self develops through family, culture, and religion. The particular things we get attached to, that satisfy our emotional programs, are determined by our conditioning through the various institutions and groups making up society. Practically speaking, this means the false self draws its identity from roles, labels, and opposition. We identify with being moms and dads, Republicans and Democrats, religious and secular. Naturally, many of these labels oppose another one, such as Republican versus Democrat or religious versus secular. The false self loves these markers and this way of battling other people. Only, none of these games constitute who we really are. More problematically, when we don't know who we are, we get fearful, rigid, defensive, and selfish.
The false self is disconnected from Being, from Reality. The true self is rooted in Pure Being, in what is real. But, the false self filters everything through its own preconceived notions. It lives in and through its emotional programs for happiness and its cultural conditioning. As such, it never accesses Absolute Reality, because it is preoccupied with the ephemeral, with passing realities. Living in a world of egocentricity, the false self presumes it is the standard and reference point for all things. Lent is the season for repentance, which means becoming aware of and confronting the false self. This is a time to see that it is the false self which dies, and so we ought not invest ourselves in its programs for happiness. The false self, we might say, is the passing self, while the true self is the eternal self.
In the desert, Jesus transcends the self we all think we are. Through prayer, fasting, and almsgiving we, too, can transcend the false self and discover who we really are. To make things simpler, though, I suggest one practice this Lent: breathe. Breathe YHWH. YHWH is God's name, which is often translated as "I am who I am." YHWH is pronounced in Hebrew in such a way that one does not close one’s lips or move one’s tongue. It is simply breathing: breathing in, “Yah,” breathing out, “Weh.” Breathe YHWH. So, to practice, breathe in and breathe out. When you breathe in, gently think, “Yah” in your mind. When you breathe out, gently think, “Weh” in your mind. Eventually, you may not even need to think “Yahweh” in your mind. You can just breathe and effortlessly rest in God beyond thinking.
Exhalation naturally teaches us letting go. We're constantly letting go of our breath. It teaches us we cannot grasp God, yet – like our breath – we receive God as gift every single nanosecond of our lives. This is the mystery of the true self. Wholly connected to Being, the true self receives identity from the great I AM WHO I AM. To discover the true self is to discover YHWH. Through our breath, we can connect with this true identity and God at one and the same time. Therefore, put aside a notion of Lent as giving up chocolate, and breathe. Breathe YHWW…and know who you really are.